Trials of a Know it All

I'm always accused of being a "Know it All". I know I can be guilty of this so I'm going to share some stories on this blog that were lessons in humility.

One summer during high school I attended Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University for a summer program. I was really conflicted about attending the program because at the time I was in a relationship. Even deeper than that It was my first love, so I was really stuck on staying home. I talked about it with my girlfriend and we agreed we wouldn't let the distance come between us. This was my first true relationship and I didn't think ANYthing could pull me from the commitment I shared with my girlfriend.

I was wrong.

Now I'm a guy who rarely gets the girl that catches everyone attention when she walks in the room. You know the type of woman that every dude snaps his neck around to catch a second view of. So when Nia (name change) stepped into breakfast on our first day of the summer program, I saw her, I pointed her out to my new found boyz, and I made a few comments about how my girl was just as bad then went back to focusing on food. I didn't think anything would come of it. So when she sat down at our table directly across from me, I have to admit I was little caught off guard. But I played it cool. I had a girl and no way she was interested in me.

The conversation we had was crazy. We cliqued right off top. We had similar if not shared interests in the same books, movies, music, dreams...etc. I knew instantly this would be my home girl for the rest of the summer. I felt mutual attraction but adolescent insecurities wouldn't allow me admit it.

The summer dragged on. Every night I spent on the phone talking to my girlfriend. I used to walk around singing Dru Hill 1st album all day. I even mailed HER a care package and I was the one away from home. I was SPRUNG. I just knew I wouldn't cheat on her. I actually promised myself I wouldn't. It meant a lot to me to be faithful. Plain and simple I thought I wouldn't cheat because I was in love.

I couldn't let my 1st true love be tarnished by cheating...

But as time passed I knew the connection with Nia was getting really deep. She was on my brain just as much as my girlfriend. I even caught myself about to call my girlfriend Nia on the phone. I had crazy internal conflict about what was going on but mostly I just denied it was serious. Even though the sexual attraction was swelling up inside us and every moment we spent together felt like it could explode at any moment . And then it did.....

I competed in this pageant that the summer program hosted (Mr. RIMS 2004, FYI!) and I WON! After the pageant was always a party and of course this is the party that had been hyped up all summer. So everybody was in their freshest attire. Because I won their were a few perks
for me so I partied like a king that night! I noticed after an hour at the party I hadn't seen Nia. I asked my homeboy where she was and he told " She been waiting for you all night". I was like What? quit playing. But sure enough when he pointed out a row of chairs on the wall, there she was, looking pretty damn good to be on the sideline. So I sat down with her for a while then she asked to dance. As we danced, it felt like everyone else disappeared and we were in own world. (And this was before I drank liquor so you know we was really vibin!) At one point I leaned in to ask her a question but she went left instead of right and...

WE KISSED!

The first one was an accident but the rest of the makeout session was not. After the party we went to our dorms. I stayed up all night trying to figure out what happened. We continued hooking up for the next few weeks but each time we did something it was eating me up inside. I never imagined I would cheat on my girl, I definitely didn't think it would be consistent. My feeling for my girl never wavered but my feelings for Nia kept growing. Eventually I drove myself crazy enough that I had to stop talking to Nia for the rest of the program. At the end of the summer we got to go to Dallas and we briefly reconnected. A slow dance at the W hotel. But other than that I severed all ties with her for fear of damaging my relationship with my first.

Before we left Nia gave me this note. In the letter she told me about the amazing connection that she felt we had and how she had a man but nothing could keep her from me.

We both struggled to stay away from each other but the connection we shared kept pulling us back together.

I learned a very valuable lesson from that experience. Even though I thought I would never cheat, I had to accept that there is so much for me to learn about what qualities attract me to a woman. I tried to deny how I felt about Nia but the truth eventually came to light and when it did it was difficult to control. I thought I knew everything there was to know about how to be the best boyfriend possible but... I didn't. I just knew it would be easy to be faithful but... I wasn't. I'm never the guy that gets the baddest chick in the room but that summer... I was.