Or Maybe I'm Just Growing Up

Lately in my head i've been struggling with a lot of questions about what I'm doing with my life. I've been trying to develop short term and long term goals to shape and structure my ambition. One of my recent problems was I reacting to life. Living from moment to moment without any true personal goals. Eventually I had to stop and ask myself who and what I was living for. I have the opportunity to do so much more in life if I just focus. But as I've been thinking throgh all this stuff I've realized alot about how different my life is from I last felt I had a firm grasp on my future which was when I was 18 and heading to college. So here are the main struggles i've been facing.

The things I used to do just don't entertain me like they used to. Things have gotten old to me in a lot ways. I struggle to find the same satisfaction in activities that used to take so much of my time. Honestly I don't find inspiration in same places either. Have I changed? I have to ask myself. Or maybe I'm just growing up.

All my relationships have gotten more complicated. Nothing has a simple answer anymore. My actions results in a variety of consequences. My goals are not as easy to attain. Many times Its not even clear to me what I want.

It used to be that I could I easily find the solutions to the challenges I face in life, but lately I feel like all my solutions just lead to another problem. Especially with my relationships with people. I can give my friends the best advice in the world. But when it comes to my life I have no clue what to do.

My dad told me that I really need to think about rather I'm setting unrealistic goals for myself at this point in my life. And the truth is, I am. I've accomplished a lot but haven't really felt any sense of satisfaction for a while now. It's just my dreams are so big. And sometimes I can't sleep at night because of all the ideas swirling around in my head. My spirit is thirsty for something i'm not providing. The potential is there but not the inspiration. Is that a part of growing up. A constant hunger in your soul for something more. My uncle said my mind is sound but my spirit is wondering right now. It really stuck with me because I used to be so passionate about everything. Yet lately I don't feel that same passion. I'm just constantly In Search of. But I guess I have to realize I'll never be that 18 year old again. I just want that fire back in my soul.